Take your base.
Why we like him: When I think about Cubs third basemen from the 80s, I always think about Vance Law, which is weird because he with the Cubs for just two years, 1988 and 1989. He was never particularly good at anything, but it was always fun to hear Harry Caray slobber all over the microphone when he said his name. Law is also the proud owner of the single lamest nickname in all of sports, "Long Arm of the Law." Wow. The guy was 6'2" and weighed a buck-85. If anything, he could have been "Average Length Arm of the Law."
The part about Law that I'll always remember, is the fact that he just didn't look like a ballplayer. He wore glasses, his hair was groomed, he shaved, he didn't have a mullet. He definitely didn't fit the mold of the 80s ballplayer. He looked like a stock broker. Or maybe a chemistry teacher. Or a proctologist. Anything but a major league third baseman. He even got to show off his LensCrafters at the All Star game in 1988, a season which saw him hit .293 (which was good enough for 8th in the NL that year. Really, 8th!) with 11 homers and 78 RBI. I think the thing that I remember him doing best was just making contact.
Vance Law spent 11 seasons in the majors with five different clubs in 12 years, which should be a red flag that the guy was either injury prone or just not very good. He never played more than three consecutive seasons at any of his stops, and his tour of duty included two seasons in beautiful Pittsburgh, three with the White Sox, three more with the extinct Expos, and finally two years at Wrigley with the Cubbies. And just to remind everyone of his mediocrity and that he wore stock-broker glasses, he came back in 1991 with the A's and batted .209 in 74 games.
When he was at his best, Vance Law was decidedly average but with the potential to be a borderline All Star. When he was at his worst, he would probably make fans a little angry after making an out in a big spot until they remembered that he wasn't Ryne Sandberg. But then again, Vance Law wasn't a tough out, but he wasn't an easy out either, and I think that was his appeal. Or maybe it was just the fact that he was a nerd with a giant face windshield that happened to be a major league third baseman. Sort of, anyway. He was a Cub.
Ladies and gentlemen, Vance Law, Ballplayer.