This man knows something you don't.
Why we like him: Glenn Davis and his flowing blond upper lip locks impeccably matching that gnarly psychedelic jersey was probably my favorite memory of the Astros of the late 80s/early 90s. Red, yellow, and orange have no business being worn together unless you're Glenn Davis. Davis spent seven years of a decently productive and remarkably consistent 10-year career in Houston before being traded to the Baltimore Orioles in 1991 in exchange for Steve Finley, Pete Harnisch, and Curt Schilling. No, seriously, all the Orioles asked for in exchange for a two-time All Star centerfielder, a two-time 16-game winner, and Curt friggin' Schilling was Glenn Davis. In a related story, the Orioles have not been seriously relevant for the vast majority of my lifetime.
In 1986 at the age of 25, Davis had his best season, finished with 31 home runs and driving in 101 runs while batting .265, which, in that era, was basically the equivalent of a .290-40-120 season now. He finished second in MVP voting behind Mike Schmidt in 1986 and continued to be an offensive threat for the next three seasons, finishing eighth in MVP voting in 1988 and seventh in 1989. Glenn Davis was actually a guy you didn't want to face in a tough spot for the better part of a decade. He personified consistency at the plate. In other words, he was as good at being Eric Karros as Eric Karros was.
Sadly, Davis never quite panned out as the mega-productive first baseman he could have possibly become if he had played in the steroid era. His career was over at 32 years old. Even worse, he never played well enough to earn himself a cool nickname. His mustache, however, is named Hans and could also serve as eyebrows. Glenn's major league career ended in 1993 after he was released by the Orioles after a bar fight resulted in a broken jaw, which I guess he must have used for a bat since the 1993 season saw Davis post a pretty ugly .177 average and half as many home runs (1) as Rafael Belliard hit in his career (2, for the mathly challenged).
Even more bizarre than career-altering bar fights, Davis tried to resurrect his career in, of all places, Japan with the Hanshin Tigers, whose current cap is even uglier than the 'Stros caps of the 80s. Needless to say, he failed worse than the Bill Buckner School of Fielding Routine Grounders. Davis apparently lives in and works as a city councilor for the city of Columbus, Georgia, so if you're thinking of going somewhere to fight someone in a bar, that's your town, and that's your man.
Ladies and gentlemen, Glenn Davis, Ballplayer.