Jose Lind

Captain Lind of the Seven Seas and Three Rivers pictured with entire hog leg in lower lip.

Why we like him: Ahoy, matey!  I be the great Pirate o' Pittsburgh, Captain Jose Lind, sailer of the oceans blue and the Monongahela brown. For some reason me shipmates call me Chico which should be enough to put me in Ye Olde Random Nickname Hall of Fame.  I was always willin' to make sacrifices fer me hearties, whether it be layin' down the bunt or steppin' into the slow up-an'-in changeup to get to drop anchor at first base.  Now, I know what you're thinkin' too.  What's a fine pirate like me doin' in Pennsylvania?  Well there's 25 of 'em there ev'ry year, see!  And they usually ain't good at baseball.

I spent just 9 seasons on the high seas o' the majors from 1987 to 1995.  Six of me years I spent in Pittsburgh before bein' sent to Davey Jones' Locker in Kansas City fer two and a half years.  Maybe it was just David Cone's locker.  Anyway, for me career, I ended up hittin' .254 with a scurvy-ish 9 homers. Not many steals either, seein' as I got a wooden peg from me left knee down.  Don't think I ever got close to an All Star selection either, 'less me wench tried to stuff a ballot box in '91.

I was one o' the best defensive second basemen in the league though.  I recieved a treasure called the Gold Glove in 1992 fer me abilities, but I buried it on a secluded bank of the Allegheny and lost me map.  Spent 15 games shipwrecked with the California Angels in 1995 tryin' to figure out where I left it.  Maybe it started shrinkin' 'til it disappeared like that scallywag Barry Bonds' "treasure" did back in the 90s.   Shiver me Drabeks, that sounds horrible.  But I digress.

I had me a chance to fight fer the World Series treasure three times, but walked the plank ev'ry time in the NLCS.  Career .205 hitter in the postseason, I am.  Useless as a barnacle on a fungo.  A sharp-breakin' slider be a harsh mistress.  But avast, matey.  I gave it all I had fer 9 years of me life.  An' I think me barrel of pirate cliches is startin' to run dry.  Yo ho, yo ho, a 6-4-3 fer me.

Ladies and gentlemen, Jose Lind, Ballplayer.

No comments:

Post a Comment