Mickey Morandini

Ninjee kick.

Why we like him: I like my Mickey with a side of Morandini, and you can put that on your Mantle.  Next to the Mouse.  Or something.  The "Dandy Little Glove Man," and that's really his nickname (no, seriously), was a scrappy wee middle infielder whose career spanned 11 MLB seasons with stops in Philadelphia, Chicago (NL, the real L), and Toronto. 

The one and only Michael Robert Morandini turned himself into a career .268 hitter with a .338 on-base percentage and was even an All Star somehow in 1995.  He also finished in the top two for his position in fielding percentage five times and was robbed of a Gold Glove by five different players including guys like Robby Thompson and the immortal Jose Lind.  Then in 1998, Bret Boone's nose was handed the Gold Glove over Mighty Mickey.  The moral of the story: take steroids because they're meant to improve your defense.

Speaking of steroids, I was a shocked to find out that Morandinisaurus actually finished a season with an MVP vote.  In that fateful 1998 season, some guy out there actually cast an MVP vote (He finished 24th, by the way, so it's not like it was real.) for Mickey Morandini, presumably because he finished with a career-best .296 average and bulked up to smash a whopping 8 homers.  Sounds fishy, I know.  Going from a single dinger in 1997 to a staggering 8 a year later?  That's 800% more!  He had to be juicing.  Just saying.

On September 20, 1992, however, the amazing happened.  Moreandmorandini managed to turn create do single-handedly (duh.) perform the first unassisted triple play since 1968.  With nobody out (duh.) and the Pirates' suspiciously skinny Barry Bonds on first base and Andy Van Slyke on second, Jeff King (who will no doubt make an appearance on this blog in the future) smashed a screaming line drive right at Morandini who subsequently stepped on the bag at second to put away Andy Man and tagged Bonds in his exposed rib cage for the completion of the holy hardball hat trick.  And then, in a momentary instance of brainfarting, he rolled the historic baseball back on the mound as if a routine F4 putout ended the inning.  However, the cunning baseball memorabilia buff known as Curt Schilling, according to legend, noticed the ball was carelessly discarded at the end of the inning, and from his position in the third base dugout snuck out onto the field to Bogart it.  Rumor has it he pulverized the ball into a powerful healing salve, aged it nine years, and rubbed it on sutures.  And blogged about it.  Just like this.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mickey Morandini, Ballplayer.


  1. Rule #4: If Ballplayer™ has a Rated Rookie, said Rated Rookie should probably be used.

    Rule #5: If Rated Rookie shows outstanding profile of a mullet, said Rated Rookie will be used.

    Rookie Mullet

  2. http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_apaGga1fGIQ/TJQhojXZQmI/AAAAAAAAFlg/grurcdR7gEQ/s1600/Morandini+Donruss+F.jpg

    Aaaaaaand done.