Rafael Belliard


Professional ballerina, Rafael Belliard.

Why we like him: How weak was Rafael Belliard? Rafael Belliard was so weak that:
  • a steroid shot would have changed his gender. Completely.
  • the triceps he showed off in the weight room turned out to be ringworms.
  • his middle name, Leonidas, was just given for the sake of irony.
  • sausage race contestants would hit him with a bat.
  • he once charged the mound and the mound destroyed him.
  • he couldn't lift the cover of the Mitchell Report.
  • both bat boys and Bobby Dews had higher slugging percentages.
  • he didn't even wear a cup. He wore a shot glass.
  • Leo Mazzone rocked with more force than Raffy could generate swinging a bat.
  • Barry Bonds had a higher on-base percentage in two seasons than Raffy's career OPS.
  • he played for 17 seasons and finished with a .221 batting average and a .259 slugging percentage.
Ladies and gentlemen, Rafael Belliard, Ballplayer.

2 comments:

  1. You peace of shit.. Why you don't mention how big was Belliard with the glove?
    Now I see you know shit about baseball players. Belliard was known in MLB as one of the best in the defense.. Find out how many golden gloves he won in his carrer before you say SHIT!

    ReplyDelete
  2. A sentence-by-sentence breakdown of edm29's comment:

    Sentence 1: Way to sound intelligent, classy, and professional, sir/ma'am/possibly even Mr. Belliard. By the way 'peace' and 'piece' are two different words with two very different meanings.

    Sentence 2: The word 'big' and 'Belliard' should not be used in a sentence together. Whether he was wearing a glove or not, he was 5'6. Way to nail the punctuation mark at the end, though. Great job.

    Sentence 3: I definitely do.

    Sentence 4: Your wording here makes it difficult to make fun of you, but I'll try. The way you say "best in the defense" makes him sound like a free safety or something. But hey, at least you used two periods.

    Sentence 5: I'm not sure what a golden glove is exactly (or a carrer, for that matter), but Belliard never even won a Gold Glove. The Gold Glove Award is sanctioned by MLB. I guess a golden glove is an award you make in your basement or something, which is fine. I'm glad you have a hobby.

    So, in closing, if this offended you, my apologies. I'm not apologizing for offending you, however. I'm apologizing for life failing to give you a sense of humor. Also, allow me to give you some tips before you post anything anywhere on the Internet ever again.

    1. Proofread and check your spelling. When you misspell simple words, it makes you sound uneducated.

    2. Don't use profanity. If those are the best words you can possibly come up with, it makes you sound uneducated.

    3. Check and double check your facts. The Internet is wealth of information. You can find silly facts like Rafael Belliard not winning any MLB awards in matter of seconds. When you don't fact-check and just randomly make statements, it makes you sound uneducated.

    4. Don't just come out insulting people. In your case, this is one to which you should definitely adhere, especially considering how poorly you spell. If you can't form a solid, professional argument (you guessed it), you sound uneducated.

    Well this was fun. I hope you find these four easy-to-follow tips useful, and I hope they make your web-browsing experience more enjoyable. As for myself, I only ask that you never post comments here again. I like to try to keep this blog as clean and classy as possible. Children read it.

    Thanks for making my day, sir/ma'am/possibly Mr. Belliard!

    ReplyDelete